Men's Rules or " Macuber's Helpful Guide to Happiness and Bliss"

[Macuber]

The other night while playing Ghost Recon with a good group of friends. One of the fellows whom I won't say (Weakspot) mentioned about his girlfriend complaining about his gaming. I thought..hmm.. maybe if Dr Phil is so successful helping couples...why not Macuber?? Soo...guys print this out and post it on your fridge or her side of the bed.

We always hear "The Rules" from the female side. Now here are the rules from the male side. These are OUR rules! Please note.. these are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE!

1.We are not mind readers and we never will be. Our lack of mind-reading ability is not proof of how little we care about you.

1.Don't cut your hair. Ever. Long hair is always more attractive than short hair. One of the big reasons guys fear getting married is that married women always cut their hair, and by then you're stuck with her.

1.Most guys own three pairs of shoes - tops. What makes you think we'd be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with your dress?

1.Let us ogle. We are going to look anyway; it's genetic.

1.We don't remember dates. . . .Period!!

1.Foreign films are best left to foreigners. (Unless it's Bruce Lee or some war flick where it doesn't really matter what they're saying anyway.)

1.BEER is as exciting for us as handbags are for you.

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.
 
1. Sunday sports or gaming It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.

1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.
 
1. Crying is blackmail.
 
1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one:
Subtle hints do not work!
Strong hints do not work!
Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!
 
1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.
 
1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 Days.
 
1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.
 
1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry,we meant the other one.
 
1. You can either ask us to do something. Or tell us how you want it done.Not both.If you already know best how to do it,just do it yourself.
 
1. Whenever possible,please say whatever you have to say during commercials.
 
1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.
 
1. ALL men see in only 16 colors,like Mac default settings.Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color.Pumpkin is also a fruit.We have no idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched.We do that.
 
1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing,"we will act like nothing's wrong.
We know you are lying,but it is just not worth the hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, Expect an answer you don't want to hear.
 
1. When we have to go somewhere,absolutely anything you wear is fine...Really.

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation, or gaming tactics.
 
1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.
 
1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!
 
1. Thank you for reading this.
 
 Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight;but did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.Pass this to as many men as you can,to give them a laugh.Pass this to as many women as you can, to give them a bigger laugh (Found it on the internet)

[*NADS Lo$eMoney]

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation, or gaming tactics.
 

I can relate to all of these rules, but most of all this one.

[(SiX)Sheixhundt]

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

Not only does this one apply to OUR answers to THEIR questions...this one goes TRIPLE for our questions to them.

Yes /no answers are clean, tidy, and HIGHLY efficient in an emergency.
 
Backstories, explanations and impromptu monologue tangential to the question asked are not.

"Well, i was pulling up, and I saw my friend Ms. X, and we got to talking, and her son Tommy just qualified for the JV basketball team, and the other one..little jimmy was just diagnosed with ADHD..and they prescribed ritalin for that little boy.. You know what I think? I think hes so hyper becuase they feed him all that sugar, I mean all these drugs for children just cant be good. He doesnt look well, anyway. Just like his dad. Hes pasty. and skinny..Oh and speaking of fat...we just got back from The Deli and she had a sandwich on RYE..omg, can you believe it. Shes been doing so well on that new diet, and she goes and blows it all by eating of all things...bread......sigh..poor thing."

"OK, but did you get my package to FedEx on time?
If its not on time, Im going to lose that client."

'OMG, Youre such a GROUCH"



*yes, i lost the client

[:V: Stripes]

lmao  ..

my gf has no problem with me and the gaming, i even told her about ViRuS clan and she asked if she could be in it too... for fun i guess, but i laughed at her and told her we dont play bomberman.. lmao she likes that sigh* so.. i told her about gameranger and she wanted to get it too, until i told her about the mac you need and she said.. what is that? 


Regards,
Stripes

[BFG]

Holy crap shiex that is so accurate it sent a shiver down my spine Heh

.. ps hehe oh dear stripes

[spike]

you need a new gf stripes. you shouldnt be dating any girl that wants to join GR.

[:V: Stripes]

lmao.. she wants to join cause of me ofcourse

[Po~ReverendMoss]

Cuber, that shit is GOLD. Awesome post.

[Ethion]

lmao.. she wants to join cause of me ofcourse

not really, I made her.

[Macuber]

not really, I made her.

Actually I sent an email to Stripe's GF and told her Ethion was:



Nyuk Nyuk Nyuk!

[BFG]

rofl, nice bum fluff on your chinny chin chin matey

[DarK.]

Who is that actually?  Not gunther I hope.(ethion)

[Civrock]

US short track speedskater Apolo Ohno, lol.

[theweakspot]

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing,"we will act like nothing's wrong.
We know you are lying,but it is just not worth the hassle.

glad i inspired this, Mac.... and yes, the bolded part is something you could add to all of these.

btw, the one that gets me.... how was your day is a 45 fucking minute conversation to her, and i can sum it up in 4 or 5 words.

[:V: Stripes]

you havent even tasted a pussy before ethion..