Krush's Final Retirement

[Croosch]

I've decided that this is a good time for me to announce my final retirment.

Many of you know the issues concerning my sister, the reason I quit my admin position... Well, yesterday afternoon her husband called telling us to go to the emergency room as fast as we can.  She was found on her floor with no heartbeat.  Her chemo-therapy finally got to her heart.  When we could finally go and see her she was unresponsive, in a coma.  She died at 5 a.m. this morning in intensive care.

One thing all of you should do is make sure all of your siblings know how much you love them.  I never once told my sister I loved her.  The hardest thing I have ever done is to hold her hand while she's lying there in that hospital bed having to say your final good-byes to her, knowing she has no chance of making it through the night not sure if she can even hear you.

I may make an appearnace every now and then to keep my mind off things.  And I'de like to say a last sorry to all those I've been an asshole to over my years on here.  Stripes, Civic, Kitkat... and many others.

I'll probably be playing a bit in the next week, playing games is one of the things that helps me keep my mind away from reality.

~Krush

[BTs_GhostSniper]

I'm so sorry to hear of your sister's death, Krush.  Stop by anytime...you're always welcome here.

[[a] ferret]

Very sorry krush. Best to you and your family.

[c| Spetsnaz.]

Sorry to hear about your loss, my deepest condolences go out to you and your family.

[DarK.]

very sorry to hear that krush, Good luck in your future, dont be a stranger.

[+OnlyOne+]

Krush, On behalf of the entire {E} clan, our deepest condolences on your loss. I personally have several siblings that, given your good advice, I think I'll call today.

We're thinking of you Krush...stop by an {E} room anytime and say hello.

{E}+OnlyOne+

[gsr]

I'm sorry to hear that Krush. Please accept my condolences to you and your family in this tough time. I'll be wishing for your recovery.

[:MoD:Shade]

That's a very good point Krush, recently a kid passed away who had just graduated and at his funeral his Dad gave the most moving speech I had ever heard basically talking about his normal exchange of words when his son would arrive from school which was basically.

-Hey son.
Hey
-How was school?
Good.

And then his son would go up to his room and that would be the last he would see of him for the evening.  And he talked of how now he regrets embellishing thoes moments now that he no longer has his son.  This speech really hit home with me and a lot of other people because that is exactly my relationship with my dad.  So now I try to take more time to spend with him because god forbid they might not be there the next day.

[<82ndAB>Tigah]

I'm so sorry Krush. Family love is unconditional and unsaid a lot, but they know you care......You know I'll be here Krush if you need to talk. My best wishes to you and your family.

[theweakspot]

Krush:

i recently lost someone close to me as well, so I know how hard it can be.  Don't quit.  Yes gaming isn't important, but being with friends is.  Make sure you take time for your needs.

wub.

[Croosch]

That's a very good point Krush, recently a kid passed away who had just graduated and at his funeral his Dad gave the most moving speech I had ever heard basically talking about his normal exchange of words when his son would arrive from school which was basically.

-Hey son.
Hey
-How was school?
Good.

And then his son would go up to his room and that would be the last he would see of him for the evening.  And he talked of how now he regrets embellishing thoes moments now that he no longer has his son.  This speech really hit home with me and a lot of other people because that is exactly my relationship with my dad.  So now I try to take more time to spend with him because god forbid they might not be there the next day.

yea, I was the last one to talk to her before her heart went crazy... the extent of our convorsation was the same as always:

Jess: mom or dad there?
me: no
Jess: can you have them call me when they get home?
me: yes
Jess: bye
me: bye

I would give ANYTHING to go back in time and just talk to her about anything.  The doctors said she may have been able to hear us in a coma, we had our hopes up as we spoke to her one by one saying our good-byes.  My dad finally left her side around 4:50 a.m.  Directly when he walked out of the door she stopped breathing and let herself go (she was still breathing partially on her own).  We believe she was keeping herself alive until she was alone, she didn't want us to see her die.  The hardest part beside saying my good-byes to her is watching her five year old son ask where his mom is and instead of saying his good-byes trying to wake her up.

I wouldn't wish any of this on my worst enemy and I hope none of you ever have to say good bye to somebody you know is going to die within the next hours.  It truely is the worst feeling I could ever imagine.

[BFG]

Ahh jeeze my heart goes out to you mate. Thats something which is painful beyond comprehension, the knowledge that you are powerless, that the inevitable looms in a time that can never reach and give you the moments that you so desire with a loved one.

I have a sister who has been seriously ill for 14 years now, fortunately however not life threatening. it makes you appreciate life, makes you appreciate what you can do and i think most people really take it for granted... ah i cant talk about all this stuff.

Be strong, be passionate and spend and appreciate all the time you have with the people you love and who love you.

Best of wishes mate.

bfg

[z][t-Rampage]

so sorry to hear of your loss Krush. the only thing i can tell you is that time does heal. i lost my step father last year(only dad i had). the best thing i did was sit down and write him a letter. i havent finished it, and i doubt i will for many years. but now and then i pick it up and tell him about something new in my life. its been a very healing process for me. maybe it could be for you too.

my thoughts to you and your family

Alex

[jerkasaur]

My heart goes out to you Krush. A few years back, I lost my Mom to cancer and I know how painful it can feel. We had some good times playing Ghr back in the day, and I hope that you don't make yourself too scarce around these parts. Just remember, you got a lot of people around here who will always be your friends.

[*DAMN Hazard]

Too many bad things happening to good people. I'm sorry Krush, best wishes to you and your family.

[[a] kitkat]

Sorry to hear about your loss Krush.  Keep your head up, be strong, and live your life knowing your sister received your love and respect.

I am currently in Istanbul.  I flew here a few months ago when my grandmother became sick.  I have spent my share of long weeks at the hospital.  It is a very tough, tedious, but necessary process.  Although the death of my grandmother deeply saddens me I find comfort that I was with her till the end and that I am doing my duties for my family now.  I hope you find a similar comfort.

No hard feelings between us.  Just because we are good at pressing each other's buttons doesnt mean we can't respect eachother.  Besides... 

"What happens in gameranger stays in gameranger."

 

[Croosch]

My family just found Jess's public online journal in which she tells everything... she never told us about this because she never wanted us to know how much pain she's been in... it's difficult for me to read, but I've been reading through the whole thing and after each entree I become more happy that her pain has finally come to an end.

here are a couple entrees:

11/26/04 ~ I just keep thinking that I am so useless to everyone that I would be better off dead. No, I am NOT considering suicide, I couldn't do that to my son. But, I just feeling like as each day goes by I am slipping away little by little, so I hope that I can find a doc that can help me, and I hope that I find him/her soon! My husband and I are just to the point where the bills are so far behind, that there is no way to catch up. I am going to try and call the county on Monday and see if there is anyway that we can get any help what-so-ever. I have tried before and been turned away, but that is my only hope, so all I can do is try again. As always, I need to THANK each and everyone one of you that has helped my family and thru these difficult time, every little thing counts, whether it's a prayer, or a kind, uplifting email, or 5 bucks...it doesn't matter, I appreciate EVERYTHING, as my family does as well. The tears are still streaming right now, so I am going to sign off for now (I can barely see what I am typing, so forgive me if some of this doesn't make any sense), but I try to write in my profile when I have both good and bad days, so people can get a feel of what it's like when you go thru such serious complications. It doesn't just affect me, (the patient) it affects the entire family as well. My husband feels useless, and my poor son just keeps putting his arms around me and telling me "not to cry, that it's ok". And of course, that makes my tears stream even more, as he is so little, and cute, and smart. I just wish that this didn't affect him so much. I wish he was still a bit younger, so he didn't understand as much. But my family and I deal with it as well as we can. Thanx again, everyone, for all of the support. I will update again soon.~

12/4/04 ~ Well, my 1 year anniversary of my gastric bypass came and went yesterday. It made me so sad, all day long I cried, I couldn't believe what I had done to myself just one year ago. I was so much better off heavier than I am now. I live my life as an invalid, I cannot take care of my 4 year old son on my own, my marriage is so strained, we are financially drained, emotionally, I am a wreck, physically, I couldn't be any worse off, unless I was dead. I have lost 2 jobs, and it seems as though I have fallen into a deep, dark hole and that there is no way out. I have traveled accross this country to get medical help, and just yesterday I found out that I won't even be home to spend Christmas with my family. Instead, I will be in Holy Name hospital in NY having a life saving surgery that I need so badly. If I don't have this surgery, I probably won't be alive to see the new year. I am just so very sad that I cannot be with my son on Christmas day.

11/4/05 ~ I have to apologize for the length of time that it has taken me to update my profile. I have been extremely ill from the cancer/chemo. I have received my 4th and final dose of Adrimyacin and Cytoxin---THANK GOD! This stuff is HORRIBLE, it knocks out all the bad stuff in your body as well as all of the good cells. My fourth dose landed me in the hospital, and I missed trick-or-treating with my son. I tried SO hard to stay out of the hospital, but for 24 hours I layed in bed crying, moaning, sweating, puking, shivering, I honest to God think that it was the sickest that I have ever been. Finally, I gave in at about 9pm, I called my parents and told them that I needed to go to the hospital, so they came and picked me up and brought me to the ER, where they admitted me.

We did have my sons birthday party, thanx to Diane M., she set up a party for my son at a local park with a "nature detective" theme, it was so cute, and Zeke and all the kids had a great time. She even found a friend to provide the cake. It really was a good time for all. Thanx Diane!

What's next for me? 52 straight weeks of Taxol and Herceptin, 2 new chemo drugs for me. Also, I am looking at having my double mastectomy w/ lymphnodectomy this coming January, probably early Jan., soon after Christmas.

Money is always tight around here, so my uncle, who is an Emmy winning musician (Peter Ostroushko-you can do a web search for his name and bring up his web page) is doing a benefit concert for me on November 26, I believe, at 7:30 pm at a local church. If anyone wants any information on it, please let me know and I will give you the details. OR, you can search for my uncles web page, and click on his upcoming concert dates, and the benefit information is listed there.

Other than that, chemo has been doing awful things to me. I now truly do look like the typical cancer patient-no hair, no eyelashes, eyebrows almost gone, black circles around my eyes, dropping tons more weight by the week. And please tell me how one can be both hot and cold at the same time. I freeze my ass off, and sweat profusely at the same time. When my blood counts go low, I have to give myself Nuepogen shots, which cause the WORST bone and joint aches EVER. I have been told that the first 4 chemos are the worst, and those are under my belt now, so I pray that it gets a little better from here.

It's 4:30am, and I couldn't sleep, but I am going to go try and go back to bed, I will update more soon!~


that was her last entree... my dad has decided he will write a book about my sisters life.  And if anybody is wondering, that concert is still on, we dicided to use the money to pay for her funeral costs since she had no life insuance, and it will go toward her sons schooling.

http://i17.photobucket.com/albums/b82/Jeskigy/Picture033.jpg this was before her first chemo... Jessica and her son late august

[cO.gabe]

i'm so sorry krush, i can't even imagine something like that happening - you probably can't either.  i hope we get to chat again at some point.  good luck with everything.

[Stripes]

aww man.

first of all, don't worry about we havn't been the best friends on GR.
that doesn't come first, that's your real life and right now concentrate on that.
( if you have one ) " trying to get u in better mood " 
I'm very sorry for you and your family, i hope things works good for you and you still can come online and have a game or few with your fellas.

Take Care

Stripes

[*DAMN Hazard]

"What the caterpillar calls the end, the rest of the world calls a butterfly."
-Lao-tzu

I know whatever I say can't possibly console you at this time but I found this quote fitting for this situation.

Once again I wish you the best.

Hazard