C o k e s J o k e s

[core.C o k e]

i thought it would be quite fun to have a joke section where people can put jokes they hear.

I'll start:-

Q: what do you do if you see a spaceman?

A: Park in it man!!
 

[spike]

Q: Whats red and white and bangs on the door

A: A baby in a microwave!

[core.C o k e]

what happened to jesus when he went to mount olive?

Popeye beat the shit out of him!!
 

[bronto]

Four nuns were standing in line at the gates of heaven. Peter asks the first if she has ever sinned. "Well, once I looked at a man's penis," she said. "Put some of this holy water on your eyes and you may enter heaven," Peter told her. Peter then asked the second nun if she had ever sinned. "Well, once I held a man's penis," she replied. "Put your hand in this holy water and you may enter heaven," he said. Just then the fourth nun pushed ahead of the third nun. Peter asked her, "Why did you push ahead in line?" She said, "Because I want to gargle before she sits in it!"

[Psyks]

Why do you women have smaller feet?

So they can stand closer to the sink.

[core.C o k e]

what do you call a fish with no eyes?

a fssh

[core.C o k e]

A wine waiter at a nudist colony is fired for
repeatedly getting caught walking round
with a semillon.

[Maniac]

Whats the smartest thing that has ever came out of a women's mouth?

Einstein's dick

[Ethion]

Which is the lamest thread

This thread

Let the flaming begin. ! haha

[KGB]

An old man dies and goes to heaven.
When he arrives at the gate, Saint Peter asks him what his name is so he can check the list.
The old man starts mumbling that he can't remember it .
Saint Peter tells him that he really need a name, otherwise he won't get into heaven.
So the old man tries to remember something and all of a sudden he shouts out  "WOOD!!"
Pardon,says Saint Peter.
"Yes wood, my job had something to do with wood.... a carpenter, that's it, I used to be a carpenter."
"Well" sais Saint Peter "I do need a little more information than that to get you in"
"Hmm, euh, ... my son, my son is famous" mumbles the man
"a carpenter with a famous son..." says St-Peter. All of a suddon it hits him." I need to get Jesus over here."
So St-Peter fetches Jesus.
When they both arrive back at the gate Jesus looks at the old man and shouts 'FATHER !!!"


The old man looks up, sees Jesus opens his arms and shouts "PINNOCIO"

[Macuber]

Heres a little something I thought I would pass on to you:

What Makes 100%? What does it mean to give MORE than 100%? Ever wonder about
those people who say they are giving more than 100%? We have all been to
those meetings where someone wants you to give over 100%. How about
achieving 103%? What makes up 100% in life?

Here's a little mathematical formula that I thought might help you answer these
questions:

If:
A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z is represented as:
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26.

Then:

H-A-R-D-W-O-R-K
8+1+18+4+23+15+18+11 = 98%

and


K-N-O-W-L-E-D-G-E
11+14+15+23+12+5+4+7+5 = 96%

But,

A-T-T-I-T-U-D-E
1+20+20+9+20+21+4+5 = 100%

And,

B-U-L-L-S-H-I-T
2+21+12+12+19+8+9+20 = 103%

AND, look how far ass kissing will take you.
A-S-S-K-I-S-S-I-N-G
1+19+19+11+9+19+19+9+14+7 = 118%

So, one can conclude with mathematical certainty that while Hard work and
Knowledge will get you close, and Attitude will get you there, it's the
Bullshit and Ass kissing that will put you over the top.


merged with the joke thread  -cookie

[Psyks]

lol thats actually pretty interesting.

LAZY WORK

12+1+26+25+23+13+15+10= 125% Hmmmm that one doesnt work out 2 well.

[Overthrow.kackface]

What's easier to unload? A truckfull of bowling balls or a truckfull of babies? Babies, because you can use a pitchfork.

[we:JollyRoger]

A man went to hell and the devil showed him around, he has 2 rooms to pick to spend his eternity. Room 1 opened to a mast of people burning in fiery flames. Room 2 shows some dirty and naked wretched men chained to the wall with a beautiful lady giving them blowjobs. The man immediately turned to the devil and said "I definitely want this Room 2 to spend my eternity!" The devil nod his head, turned to the beautiful lady and said "You're replaced, dear". 

[Psyks]

 A man was driving home late one afternoon, and he was driving above the speed limit. He notices a police car with its red lights on in his rear view mirror. He thinks "I can outrun this guy," so he floors it and the race is on. The cars are racing down the highway -- 60, 70, 80, 90 miles an hour.
 Finally, as his speedometer passes 100, the guy figures "what the heck," and gives up. He pulls over to the curb.
 The police officer gets out of his cruiser and approaches the car. He leans down and says "Listen mister, I've had a really lousy day, and I just want to go home. Give me a good excuse and I'll let you go."
 The man thought for a moment and said... "Three weeks ago, my wife ran off with a police officer. When I saw your cruiser in my rear view mirror, I thought that you were the officer and that you were trying to give her back to me!"

[spike]

Whats the difference between a pile of dead babies and a cadillac? i dont have a cadillac in my garage.

[Overthrow.aHa!]

How do you stop a baby swinging on a clothsline at 100 mph? With a shovel.

[core.C o k e]

bear walking through the forest looking for suitable spot to take a dump.
comes across a rabbit in a clearing.
"excuse me" says the bear,"do you have a problem with shit sticking to your fur?"
"no" says the rabbit.
So the bear picks up the rabbit and wipes his arse with him!!