Things to think about.......

Can you cry under water?
Only if you're wearing goggles

How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?
Does'nt matter how important, as long at it is in a public place

If money doesn't grow in trees then why do banks have branches?
Branch signifies the outstreched limb of something larger, hence, the local branch of Bank of America

Since bread is square, then why is sandwich meat round?
Because meat is round, but not all bread is square

Why do you have to "put your two cents in"...but it's only a "penny for your thoughts?" Where's that extra penny going to?
My pocket

Once you're in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the clothes you were buried in for eternity?
Yes, thats why you're buried in your best suit

Why does a round pizza come in a square box?
How the hell do you make a perfectly round box?

What disease did cured ham actually have?
Freshness

How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?
People have grandios visions of greatness and being the guy who invented the wheels on luggage isn't as impressive as putting a man on the moon

Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake up like every two hours?
Because babies got to sleep a lot and didnt have to wake up to go to a job at 5 AM that I really hate...

If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?
Yes, because the judge is "hearing" the case, not the deaf person

If you drink Pepsi at work in the Coke factory, will they fire you?
Yes, but only if they catch you, and only after several warnings

Why are you IN a movie, but you're ON TV?
(good question.... next!)

Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?
Because they are dumb and people will buy anything if you tell them that it's cool

How come we choose from just two people for President and fifty for Miss America?
You can choose from a lot more then 2 people for president, but if you do, people will call you dumb

Why do doctors leave the room while you change? They're going to see you naked anyway.
Politeness

If a 911 operator has a heart attack, whom does he/she call?
He yells at the guy sitting in the booth next to him

Why is "bra" singular and "panties" plural?
Except for skirts, all items under the waste are only plural (pants, shorts, etc)

Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet soup?
Yes - it's noodles in the shape of something.... WOOOPIE

Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll squeeze these dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out!"
Observation

Or watch a white thing come out a chicken rear and think, "that ought to taste good."
Observation

Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?
Some things take longer to crisp then others

Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?
Because you have a crappy fridge

When your photo is taken for your driver's license, why do they tell you to smile? If you are stopped buy the police and asked for you license, are you going to be smiling?
Comon courtesy

If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a stupid song about him?
Because stupid people keep passing it on

Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpool lane?
Yes, but only if the corpse is sitting up front

If the professor on Gilligan's island can make a radio out of a coconut, why can't he fix a hole in a boat?
Not enough wood, oddly enough

Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but don't point to their crotch when they ask where the bathroom is?
Pointing to your crotch is impolite

Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're both dogs!
Because goofy has an education

What do you call male ballerinas?
Dancers

Can blind people see their dreams? Do they dream?
(good question)

If Wyle E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that ACME crap, why didn't he just buy dinner?
No one would deliver to the south west

If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, what is baby oil made from?
Delicious little babies

If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?
Yes

Is Disney World the only people trap operated by a mouse?
No, you're forgetting Disney Land

Do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?
Yes

Why did you just try singing the two songs above?
I didnt, I know from previous knowlage

Why do they call it an asteroid when it's outside the hemisphere, but call it a hemorrhoid when it's in your butt?
If only it was the other way around....

Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him for a car ride; he sticks his head out the window?
He doesn't like your bad breath