Thought id do my bit to help answer these questions
Q: Can you cry under water?
A: Yes If your kicked in the nuts hard enough
How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?
If money doesn't grow in trees then why do banks have branches?
Q: Since bread is square, then why is sandwich meat round?
A: Its an undercover health inititive. It provides a complicated puzzle that confuses greedy fat people and thus helps to prevent them from eating so much.
Q:Why do you have to "put your two cents in"...but it's only a "penny for your thoughts?" Where's that extra penny going to?
A: Overheads, tax and inflation, you know how it is!
Q: Once you're in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the clothes you were buried in for eternity?
A: Not if your beautiful... because in heaven all the beautiful people are naked.
Q: Why does a round pizza come in a square box?
A: another confusing health initiative (see above)
How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?
Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake up like every two hours?
Q: If you drink Pepsi at work in the Coke factory, will they fire you?
A: Probably would have a good go at it, but im sure the human rights lawers would assist you.
Q: Why are you IN a movie, but you're ON TV?
A: Movies are huge, people don't have the effort to climb all the way to the top of a movie so they normally end up just going in half way. TV is small so you can just climb up on top very easily.
Q:Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?
A: So they can see more
Q: How come we choose from just two people for President and fifty for Miss America?
A: And why isn't there a woman president and why the hell in the presidential elections dont you get a bikini modeling competition.
Q: If a 911 operator has a heart attack, whom does he/she call?
A: Their work collegue at the next desk... or nobody because they are having a heart attack.
Q: Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet soup?
A: No.
Q: Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll squeeze these dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out!"
A: His name was Farmer Giles and he had a fetish for sucking long saggy tits. his wife however had perty little breasts and so in his desperation Farmer Giles would sneak out into the barn for some cow tit sucking... the rest is history.
Q: Or watch a white thing come out a chicken rear and think, "that ought to taste good."
A: You have to be 21 or older and have parental consent to know that
Q: Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?
A: Because you don't go in and out of your freezer several times a day.
Q: When your photo is taken for your driver's license, why do they tell you to smile? If you are stopped buy the police and asked for you license, are you going to be smiling?
A: Nobody told me to smile. I look like a miserable bastard
Q:Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpool lane?
A: Yes especially if you take the time to rig up a puppet rig with some string so that on request you can make the corpse wave at passers by!
Q: If the professor on Gilligan's island can make a radio out of a coconut, why can't he fix a hole in a boat?
A: He was retarded?
Q:Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but don't point to their crotch when they ask where the bathroom is?
A: Because you'd probably get arrested for lewd behavior.
Q:What do you call male ballerinas?
A:
gay Ballerina's
Q: Is Disney World the only people trap operated by a mouse?
A: Yes.
Q: Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him for a car ride; he sticks his head out the window?
A: Thats because your freaking breath stinks! Go brush your teeth and apologize to your dog.
