Stupid stories from the military

[Brutha]

Talked to GS about this a few weeks ago, and I think this topic could be fun reading for those of use who have served in various branches in various countries, as well as for those of you who can't understand the army, and not to mention those of you who are thinking of joining. I'll have a go first.

The tear gass experience. I remember it like it was yesterday. Every recruit I know of, in every country I have heard of have experienced this. I was 20, and unfortunatly already familiar with the effects of the teargas, didn't like it before so I was a bit anxious about this time. We all had recieved our gas masks and had practiced putting it on as fast as possible(and the sargent laughed at the ppl with beard ). We entered this little building in the middle of nowhere, and one of the sargents lit up some CS(thats what it was called over here) tablets and yelled "GAS GAS GAS". We all got our mask on, and it was then I realised.....mine was leaking, and I got the effect of the gas straight away. I was taken out of the building and told to get some air and while the others finished the excersise, I was told to go back in again, after adjusting the mask. Not only did I know the effect from before, but I was getting double dosage today. I reluctantly obeyed my superior and walked back in. Back in there, I was all alone with a sargent, who lit up some more gas, told me to do pushups and jump around a little(for those of you who know this, it's not easy for a recruit to do this the first time). Then I was told to remove the mask and present myself, after I had inhaled. I drew a breath, felt the choking and the tears, while trying to introduce myself. I gave him my rank and number, and imediatly after asked if I could leave. He of course said no and asked me lots of questions. Like where are you from etc. I come from a rich part of Norway, and we usually get picked on because of that, and especially while in the army. So I told him where I was from, and quikly adding, can I leave now? He looked at me and said "NO!". He asked me if I liked my home"town", I quikly replied "NO!" and yet again begging for "dismissed" command. Finally it came, and since I of course was the last one out, the rest of my platoon was standing outside laughing at me, being the last one out of the building. Looking back at it, it is quite funny, but being there was hell.

[BTs_GhostSniper]

It's called CS Gas everywhere (CS stands for ortho-chlorobenzylmalononitrile).  Of course in the American military, nobody is allowed to have a beard for this very reason...it's hard to get a good seal on your gas mask with a beard.

I went to Basic Training for the U.S. Army in the hottest part of the summer in Fort Jackson, SC (From early July to late September--10 weeks of hell).  One of the main things they teach you is to NEVER leave your weapon.  We were each issued an M-16A2 and we had to eat with it, sleep with it, shower with it, and treat it like a fine woman (clean it, pamper it, and take it out and use it like it was meant to be used!).  My barracks were old and leftover from WWII.  They had this big fan that blew the hot air from outside to the inside of the building (at least that's how it seemed!).  Well, one day, it was really hot and we had been training since like 3 am and it was about 2 in the afternoon and I was a bit sleepy.  I layed down on my bunk (they were two-man bunk beds and I had the bottom one), but I remembered to grip my M-16 tightly in my arms (I layed down on my back and had the M-16 on top of me with one hand in the top hand grip and the other arm tightly around it).  Well, I only meant to just rest for a minute then get back up, but man, I was so tired I just went out like a light.  I was dazed and came to from the sound of laughter, and then felt something around my arms being wrapped around me.  I opened my eyes and there was the whole platoon standing around my bunk laughing while the Drill Sergeant was wrapping me up like a mummy with bedsheets!  I finally got out of it but later found out I didn't get in trouble simply because he had first tried to pry my M-16 out of my hands but couldn't get it away from me.  I still laugh about that.

[bronto]

when i was a private in the great war many years ago, i was nicknamed Shitty Asshole because i had extreme bowel movements which often cleared entire trenches, often resulting in heavy casualties on our side. i was never disciplined though, all my superiors kept a good 20 feet of distance between us at all times. anyway, one time this german dude jumped in my trench so i punched him in the tooth and stole his wallet. he really wanted it back so i told him to give me his rations in exchange. all he had was cabbage, so i ate it. my stomach started rumbling, and the german guy ran back to his trench. i was really mad that he gave me bad cabbage, so i chased him backwards with my bare ass out dodging bullets. i got to his trench and unleashed an endless force of putrid cabbage diarrhea on the entire german army, who dropped dead immediately, and that's how i won the war.

[Brutha]

Good story, however I have this sneaky feeling it's all a lie....wonder why. However, if you don't have any real stories, you might as well be silent, I didn't start this as a spam drop box, but rather a place where ppl can share amusing anekdotes about the service.

[bronto]

that was real.

[KoS.Rebel]

U have to remember Bronto is a treehugger. He loves war about as much as Richard Simmons loves women.

[c| Spetsnaz.]

Oh Rebel, you're a veteran who loves war? What war were you in?

PS. Halo 2, and RS don't count.

[bronto]

rebel is just a fat misguided fool. i mean really, what kind of loser enjoys war? if you were actually in a war, on the frontlines, doing the actual killing, and you enjoyed the war, you probably lost a few marbles out there. but if you're an overfed bigot dimwit who sits safe in his borders and critisizes someone for not liking war, you're quite inept. why don't you get some fucking nuts and go sign up to shoot these "towelheads" if you hate them so much you fucking nerd.

[BTs_GhostSniper]

Hey, this started out as a nice little thread...please don't ruin it with flames.[/size]

[Brutha]

You know what, ppl might as well stop posting here, because no matter what, some ppl just can't resist spamming.

[KoS.Rebel]

Fat? Since when was i fat? Did i become fat when u learned i could destroy u in boxing....i guess that must be it. Enough flaming. Ill drop a story here that my uncle who was a sniper in the marines told me.

One time they were walkin through the jungle (cant remember where). He saw that one of the guys in his unit was carrying his white phosporous grenades in his pocket rather then on his belt with the rest of his nades. They told him to put it on the belt but he refused. Later on in the day he reached for something in his pocket and accidently pulled the pin on the grenade. It immediately started burning away his flesh and he fell to the ground. My uncle and the rest of his unit tried kicking it off buyt it melted their boots. They eventually got it off but only after it had burned down his leg onto his family jewels. He said "the smell of burning flesh is worse then any other smell out there"

[BTs_GhostSniper]

He said "the smell of burning flesh is worse then any other smell out there"

I agree.

[c| Spetsnaz.]

He said "the smell of burning flesh is worse then any other smell out there"

So you love war because of this? Maybe you should pay a visit to your local hospital burn unit.

[KoS.Rebel]

Love is a strong word just as hate is. Same with friend and same with foe. I merely believe war is necessary. Ive got something written on my baseball hat that i read everyday. It says "Sic vis pacem, para bellum". Its latin for If you want peace prepare for war. The only other quote i live by is Vos volo quispiam perfectus vox vos have efficio is vestri ego. This is also latin and means If you want something done right, do it yourself. Next time get to know those u criticise.

[bronto]

Fat? Since when was i fat? Did i become fat when u learned i could destroy u in boxing....i guess that must be it.

i'm not going to flame you for this but...when did this take place? did i miss a post or something? fill me in you champion.

btw you became fat when jeb showed me your picture.

oh and also this one on pgr; http://planetgameranger.com/78939
not trying to be snooty or anything but i seriously doubt you could beat me. you may have a powerful punch, and maybe you can take a few as well, but i'm moving every second i spar...you really don't have the body type to keep it up for more then a few rounds, probably quite slow as well. once again, not flaming or being snooty, just telling you like it is.

[KoS.Rebel]

60 yard dash in 6.9 seconds....4.4 40 plz dont talk about speed. Btw u sure jeb didnt edit my pic? Dont fat people have layers of fat and double chins....here is a recent pic....http://killersonspree.com/macshoutcasting/me3.jpg . Sigh....i love it when online people go UR FAT to make themselves feel good. Do fat people play baseball in college? DO fat people run a mile in under 7 min? Sigh...must i continue?

[c| Lone-Wolf]

Sigh...must i continue?

No Rebel, quite the opposite, you must -not- continue.  Same goes for you Bronto.  If you two feel like bitching it out, do it via PM, on GR, a back alley somewhere, i dont care, as long as it's not here, because this thread was not made for you two to try and inflate your online egos.

-Lone

[c| Lone-Wolf]

Bronto, because you apparently cannot take a hint, this thread is being locked and your post is being moved to the sewage works.

Like I have already said, settle your dispute somewhere else, not in this thread, and not in the GG.

-Lone