Sad...Very Sad

[jn.wrath]

Ass is my pet name for Ace.

Ass(assin) is my pet name for Ass(assin).

Any questions?

[Grifter]

got milk?

[PsYcO aSsAsSiN]

OK, I got   your drift wrathy. ?

[jn.wrath]

got useless posts by grift made to boost his post count?

[Ace]

got useless posts by grift made to boost his post count?

oh the hypocrisy

[Bondo]

I think Assassin would be better shortened to Ass.?
Actually I wanted to do ass squared but I don't know how to get the two up there so I settled for the trademark.

[Ace]

If you try to trademark Ass, I'll sue you in the same court Rom took everyone in for "copying" CIA.

[kos.viper]

Assassin, Don't you ever get tried of this tag that they've put on you?! "Ass(assin)"

[JaggedEdge]

ACE UR AN ASS STFU!!!!!!!!!!!

[Ace]

Now for all you wannabe asses, this is a perfect time for me to demonstrate how these forums offer many different options for assing.


First, let me introduce the basic vocabulary:
Dumbass - Your run of the mill idiot who doesn't realize his idiocy. Often claims to be extremely intelligent with proclamations such as "OMG IM SO SMRT!"
Ass - Highly trained professional equipped with a keen wit and unafraid to publicly humiliate a dumbass completely.
These two terms can seem similar at first, but there is an enormous difference. Fail to notice this difference and you are liable to become one of the former.


The newbie ass will invariably attack the simplistic nature of the dumbass' post. Generally, keywords such as "ur" and "stfu" are a sign of weakness. Another indicator is the use of all caps. This is a good foray to get your feet we in the art of assing. However, you should attempt to graduate from these as quickly as possible. (Even innovative twists on this, such as RSC and RGC, will lose their originality and fade faster than Marky Mark and the Funky Bunch. However, this is usually not the fault of the original ass, but the knockoffs who can't ass on their own yet and try to follow suit)


Another slightly more advanced mock for a post such as this would be to attack the fact than any 2 year old with Downs syndrome could easily point out the same fact. Not a bad mock if you are in a rush or still getting a hang of things, but do these too often and you will lose all credibility as a technically proficient ass.


*Stops to have a sip of Coke*
"Coke, the official sponsor of Resident Asses everywhere"


Now a well trained veteran ass will usually bypass the said options almost instinctively. Yet this does not mean that assing comes easily. It still takes time, thought, and effort, especially when the post is as short as the one said above. In cases like this, it is often helpful to use the post as an illustration of the subject's overall dumbass behavior. So in this situation, a proper response might be something along the lines of "Unlike you Jagged, my ass always remains shut (the fuck up) from outside intrusions. Have you been hanging around Rom too much lately?" or "Gee Jagged, I guess your other well-constructed remarks I have been seeing lately obviously left you intellectually drained on this one." These are mid-level mocks, but by no means of the highest quality for someone of my or blackhand's standard.


Now my personal favorite for an advanced mock involves alluding to a piece of literature, historical event, or current event that will:
A) Amuse those who get the joke.
and
B) Confound the dumbass to the point where he isn't even sure if he is being mocked.
So after a little thought, a well structured mock here might be something like "Jagged, your post epitomizes your stupidity just as the Maginot Line stood as a symbol of France's military ineptitude: worthless and obviously the least efficient use of the human mind seen in a long time."


I leave you with some final tips:
1) Do not make an attempt to ass until you have seen a fair share of properly executed mocks. Foolish bravery has been the downfall of many before you.
2) Pick an easy target first. With a subject such as JaggedEdge, you have no real fear of your mock being analyzed and picked apart. With time, you can move on to dumbasses with at least a slight ability to defend themself, such as Rom
3) Have fun. Assing is a sport almost. And with every sport, after a victory, take some time to sit back and admire your efforts.

[jn.wrath]

One thing you forgot. As an Ass, you must always know, not just act like, you are in charge of the forum and that everyone else are targets of mockery. Always refer to anyone and everyone as "fools" and such.

Other than that.. an excellent guide on mocking..

Watch, I'll get mocked for this post..

BTW: Jagged's post is a classic example of a dumbass trying to mock a true Ass by.. calling him his title.

Example: Dumbass A says "Wrath, you're a janitor, HAHAHAHAHHA THAT WAS FUN TO INSULT J00 B/C IM L33T AND J00 ARENT, BTW: JANITORS SUCKS!!!"

Right..

[jn.blackhand]

JANITORS SUXORS!

[Ace]

"The janitors : the first, the only, the best anti-clan clan"

Damn right, not only do "JANITORS SUXXORS", but they are lying sacks of shit who can't remember the one, the only, *Syrup*


And thank you for those revisions Wrath. I'll let you off without a mock this time :P

[KoS Ultimo]

You know what, what Ace said is very smart. I under estimated the talent of Ace to out smart me and when I steped up to the plate and tried to diss him out, i got dissed so bad all i could do was shut down my computer. And unlike some people (rom, jagged), i knew when to stop. Now i dont think Ace and me and so called "friends", but atleast he doesnt mock my posts anymore....maybe i am geting somewhere.

Over time you learn to respect people that are powerful and leaders.....and with Ace being a moderator of the general chat in this forum, he is definatley a leader. So jaggededge, give up while you still can, before everyone turns against you......

[Grifter]

Ace, wonderful post.... really... I mean it.... (you can just hear that sarcasim, can't you).

OK, I really do mean it. ?You should put it on TET, right next to my Dumbass editorial.

I'm just disappointed. ?I guess that maybe I've been both too direct when pissed and too mild when not to be considered amongst the ranks of professional ass's. ?I guess I'll just have to lift my skirt, drop my purse and start dishing it out like a man instead of my old grandmother (actually, if I could dish it out like her... ah, never mind, any Oedipus references here will be almost a total waste.... almost)

BTW, I though JOLT cola was the preferred drink of the professional Ass (remember, when among asses, it's better to be the smart one).  Or maybe JOLT is the offical drink of those who only get 3 hours of sleep a night (wagon - horse; chickn - egg; cause -  effect)

[jn.blackhand]

Ace, the Janitors were live and well in early 96.

0wn3d. roxors. lol. stfu. OMG. lmao. sigh.

[Ace]

Thank you GRIFT. I already actually thought about taking it to TET, and I will do so when I get a chance.

I am sorry for not including you. This was a mistake. Along with blackhand, we for the trinity of Forum Asses so to speak. I guess I overlooked you because you are more of a techinically sound ass, while blackhand and I are more flashy.

And GRIFT, I guess I have an Oedipal complex if your mom counts for me too. Then again, most guys here think Oedipal means that it's ok to eat. (Wow, just realized the nasty pun the came out of that, hehe)

[Grifter]

That was one vision I really didn't need at 1 am, right before going to bed....

And Ace, I'm going to assume that you are one of the few guys that knows where my new quote comes from.... and the first guy that says "Wrath of Kahn" will bring upon mocking wrath like the breaching of a whale.

[Ace]

I like that last little hint there Aha... errr GRIFT.

[Bondo]

ahem, keep your dick out of this forum grift.