Funny ha-ha, not funny ho-ho

[kami]

*shakes his head at GS*

[BTs_GhostSniper]

Sorry, no Catholic school for MY daughter.....we are Baptist

[kami]

http://www.google.com/search?q=miserable+failure&ie=UTF-8&oe=UTF-8

Hahaha.

[alaric]

Sorry, no Catholic school for MY daughter.....we are Baptist

Suddenly, it all makes even more sense....                                                                                

I suppose now you're gonna tell me the easter bunny is a tool of satan.

[bronto]

a tool? he IS satan.

[BTs_GhostSniper]

Sorry, no Catholic school for MY daughter.....we are Baptist

Suddenly, it all makes even more sense....                                                                                

I suppose now you're gonna tell me the easter bunny is a tool of satan.

No, I'm not one of these people that believes that every little tradition that didn't come out of the Bible is evil (we believe in Santa AND the Easter Bunny!).  But comming from a family of all Christians did rub off on me.  Father is a Baptist Missionary and Father-in-Law is a Baptist Preacher.......and before I hear any wise-cracks, we are not Southern Baptists.....

[kami]

No, I'm not one of these people that believes that every little tradition that didn't come out of the Bible is evil (we believe in Santa AND the Easter Bunny!).  

HE JUST SAID HE BELIEVED IN SANTA AND THE EASTER BUNNY.

[BTs_GhostSniper]

What, don't you?

[Brain]

i believe in santa, where santa is defined as an online retailer with christmas delivery available.

also, for all of you believers out there, i present a one hundred percent objective view on the matter of santa's existance.

An Engineer's perspective on Santa Claus

I.???There are approximately two billion Children  (persons under 18) in the world.  However, since Santa does not visit children of Muslim, Hindu, Jewish, Jehovah's Witness or Buddhist religions, this reduces the workload for Christmas night to 15% of the total, or 378 million  (according to the Population Reference Bureau).  At an average (census) Rate of 3.5 children per household, that comes to 108 million homes, presuming that there is at least one good child in each.

II.???Santa has about 31 hours of Christmas to work with, thanks to the different time zones and the rotation of the earth, assuming he travels east to west (which seems logical).  This works out to 967.7 visits per second.

This is to say that for each Christian household with a good child, Santa has around 1/1000th of a second to park the sleigh, hop out, jump down the chimney, fill the stockings, distribute the remaining presents under the tree, eat whatever snacks   have been left for him, get back up the chimney, jump into the sleigh and get on to the next house.  Assuming that each of these 108 million stops is evenly distributed around the earth  (which, of course, we know to be false, but will accept for the purposes of our calculations), we are now talking about 0.78 miles per household; a total trip of 75.5 million miles, not counting bathroom stops or breaks.

This means Santa's sleigh is moving at 650 miles per second --3,000 times the speed of sound.  For purposes of comparison, the fastest man-made vehicle, the Ulysses space probe, moves at a poky 27.4 miles per second, and a conventional reindeer can run (at best) 15 miles per hour.

III.???The payload of the sleigh adds another interesting element.  Assuming that each child gets nothing more than a medium sized Lego set (two pounds), the sleigh is carrying over 500 thousand tons, not counting Santa himself.  On land, a conventional reindeer can pull no more than 300 pounds.  Even granting that the "flying" reindeer could pull ten times the normal amount, the job can't be one with eight or even nine of them ---Santa would need 360,000 of them.  This increases the payload, not counting the weight of the sleigh, another 54,000 tons, or roughly seven times the weight of the
Queen Elizabeth (the ship, not the monarch).

IV.???600,000 tons traveling at 650 miles per second creates enormous air resistance --- this would heat up the reindeer in the same fashion as a spacecraft re-entering the earth's atmosphere.  The lead pair of reindeer would absorb 14.3 quintillion joules of energy per second each.  In short, they would burst into flames almost instantaneously, exposing the reindeer behind them and creating deafening sonic booms in their wake.  The entire reindeer team would be vaporized within 4.26 thousandths of a second, or right about the time Santa reached the fifth house on his trip.  Not that it matters, however, since Santa, as a result of accelerating from a dead stop 650 m.p.s. in .001 seconds, would be subjected to centrifugal forces of 17,500 g's.

A 250 pound Santa (which seems ludicrously slim) would be pinned to the back of the sleigh by 4,315,015 pounds of force, instantly crushing his bones and organs and reducing him to a quivering blob of pink goo.

V.???Therefore, if Santa did exist, he's dead now.

[BTs_GhostSniper]

Oh no no no, Brain.....there are really hundreds of thousands of "Santa's Helpers" out there delivering packages to good little boys and girls (like my daughter!).  The real Santa only makes a few publicity trips on Christmas to keep up his image.

[Brain]

but then santa is't really doing all the work then is he? nor are we being true to the legends and stories  which claim that he does this routine at EVERY house

[jn.loudnotes]

Brain. . .cite your source

[BTs_GhostSniper]

but then santa is't really doing all the work then is he? nor are we being true to the legends and stories  which claim that he does this routine at EVERY house

No, he isn't doing all the work anymore......he is just much too old to do all by himself anymore (he hasn't done this job exclusively in centuries...back when there just weren't that many GOOD boys and girls to deliver to).

[Brain]

Brain. . .cite your source

originally taken from an email sent to me by my father. no further citing is possible because i no longer have the email

[Ace]

Brain. . .cite your source

originally taken from an email sent to me by my father. no further citing is possible because i no longer have the email

I've seen that email about Santa before too. Finding the original source would be a bitch.

[bronto]

http://www.pmbc.com/santa.html

[kami]

Classic.