Culture question

[jn.loudnotes]

I know there aren't too many of you with any worldly experience around anymore, but through a painful recent personal experience, I'm wondering if anyone could provide an objective opinion:

Is it possible for a 15 year old girl to have a meaningful, "true" relationship with an 18 year old guy?

Obviously this sort of thing in America is typically frowned upon...I know I do but for my own personal reasons. ?

What I'm wondering is if - in a European context especially - this sort of thing will happen with ultimate success.

Here, it would just be an instance of the girl being taken advantage of 99% of the time. ?But is it really different elsewhere?

[*DAMN Hazard]

yes in america its just nasty but in french class i learned that its normal for older men to date younger woman. and we were like wtf. then i cried.

[PsYcO aSsAsSiN]

Generally, the 18 year old just wants to f*ck her brains out and nothing more...if that relationship were to go through in America, both of them end up on the Jerry Springer show...but I have seen European couples of those ages work out...it just depends why both of you are in the relationship.

[Jeb]

from what i notice,
girls want a bad ass guy who is older when they are like 14-18
then 18-25 they want a guy who can provide for them and offer security.

i'd say a 18 year old could have a meanful realationship with a 15 year old girl, however if it was like 21 to 15 i'd say no.
jeb
"if their is grass on the playingfield, game on"
-socrates (jk)

[cookie2]

i think so, it's only 3 years difference that, when compared to the relationships that such men as ex beatle paul and celebrity michael douglas share with their wives, seems rather miniscule. Yes, it is slightly different because the mentality of a teen supposedly differs greatly from that of an adult, but i am a strong believer that love is love regardless of how old you are. Public reaction, however, often takes the meaning and the innocence out of such relationships that occur between teens with an age difference of more than a year or at the very most, two years. When a teen dates a guy 4 years her senior, it's blasphemy. This causes relationships to fail or steer beyond the original intentions. Not so conversely, when a man marries a woman 8 years younger than him, it's a perfectly acceptable couple. This kind of pisses me off because once again society doesn't trust youth with their own decisions , it's another example of trying to protect people from themselves. OK, enough with this mindless rambling, it's just my two cents

[Bondo]

In the words of the immortal Socretes who said..."I drank what?"-Real Genius

But to the point, I consider myself European in thought even though I've never been outside of the US, and I see no moral or social problem with 14-15 year old girls dating those 18-20. ?This could have something to do with me being a guy in the latter range who finds some girls in the former range attractive. ?I guess that just comes with liking small breasted women as that gets harder to find the older people are...

On the other hand, while I think it would be acceptable, I can't really envision how a relationship like that could work...not so much because they couldn't get along, I mean 14-15 year old girls are starting to be very responsible and can handle a mature relationship but there are problems in that the girl is going to be in school while the guy might later be graduating and moving to where employment is.

And definately anyone who would consider this relationship should be using birth controls...girls just aren't ready for babies until they are 20s.

I would love to disagree with Sin about 18 year olds generally being too sexually driven for a true relationship but alas, I would consider it to be true for the majority.

But cookie I believe said it best..."love is love".
As long is it is consentual I personally find no problems with any relationships (incest and pre-puberty excepted for physical health reasons).

[?(uNt?YodaTi.Hfa]

It's been in the European culture ,and ours for awile. that older men date and often marry younger women. It's a tradition but in America the men are usually in it for the sexual pleasure, nothing really after that. In some places in Europe it works the same as America, but in more cultured places these relation ships actually work out, in mexico for instance it isn't uncommon for the person you went to the prom with to end up as your spouse.

[Ace]

Heh, I have pondered this question myself as my sister is 3 years younger than myself and often has attractive friends over. I would say it depends, but generally it's not a good idea in my opinion. Not just from the standpoint of the girl possibly getting taken advantage of, but I just think it would be too weird to be in a relationship with someone who lives in a totally different world. (Anyone who thinks the perspectives of a 15 year old girl and a 18 year old guy are remotely similar is definitely mistaken.) However, the one thing I have learned about relationships is that you shouldn't listen to what other people (outside maybe a couple close friends) tell you. If you are happy with it, give it a try. Worse comes to worse, nothing comes of it.

[†FiRE Infection]

Yea three years difference can be a really long time.  I mean, you could both like each other but how you see things is so much different.  I see that some of you don't think it is too much of a bad idea but what would you think about a 14-15 male with a 12-13 year old girl?  The girl may not have even kissed a male yet.  That seems a little weird.  I've also seen 18 year olds and 15 year olds dating.  Not too many peolple think highly of it and many think it is a bit disgusting that I have heard from.

[Bondo]

They only think it is disgusting because it is illegal in some states for people of that age difference to have sex.  That is a problem with the law IMO but people go illegal=immoral=gross.  I just go illegal=bad law.  I don't think that people would find a 18 and 15 year old (senior and freshman in HS) as disgusting or wrong if it weren't for the laws.

[Jeb]

when a man is like 40, and dating a 25 year old, its simply because he has money, and wants a more attactive person to F___. you can't blame older men for reaching into the cradle, besides 40 year old women =  

[|MP|Buccaneer]

You don't have to go out of the country to answer this one either.  Look in the hills of Kentucky and Tennesse.  Men would often marry a 14 or 15 year old girl (Jerry Lee Lewis, Elvis, both went back to highschool).  Honestly, it was the norm in the US until education and career became the thing.  My own grandmother was married at 16, my grandfather was 20.  

But also, nobody would think of divorce down there either.  It was unheard of for people to not work out thier problems and just give up.  

So, hell yes, it is posslibe to have a meaningful rleationship with those ages.  But, in our larger, urban areas, with different influences, it's no longer the norm.  Too many outside influences effect relationships now, and many people scream get out at the first sign of trouble.  In rural areas, that doesn't happen.

[*DAMN Mauti]

Lol sorry but I have to laugh because in Austria and many other europe countries it would be strange if you are at the same age. 3 years difference is normal because ?girls want a mature boy. Many girls at 15/16 also have friends who are 20 years and older.

However Loud you asked if this relationship would have an future(in form of a marriage!?) ?well in my opinion ?honestly not. You will have a great time with her(and yes a meaningful relation with all cons and pros) and may she really loves you but girls are changing, developing so much from 15 to 18, that your relationship will probably break up sometime but thats also normal. I mean you will have so many girlsfriends in your life. "It's a relation not more" - hell you will have a great time and yes you probably will sleep with her and!? - You don't have to marry her because of that sorry I really can't understand your problem have a great time with her and mabye she is the one but if not you both had a nice time and yeah.

Enjoy Life - HAVE FUN

[Jeb]

mauti,
if girls who are 16 date 20 year olds....
then do 16 year old guys date 12 year olds?
jeb
ps. i have a friend who was 17 and dating a 8th grader, we gave him shit, then when we saw her our jaws droped

[*DAMN Alex]

hahah Jeb okay the 16 year old dating at 12 year old is just gross. I'm not sure the guy would want to do that but w/e. He's probaby sick. Now about that 17 year old with the 8th grader. I guess that is wrong and cool at the same time. I heard somewhere that its illegal to date some one with a 3 year difference but I think its bs

[Bondo]

The three year thing only starts when you are 16 and ends when you are 21 (at which point 18 is the set age)  although things vary in different states based on age of consent.

If I was 16 would I date a 12 year old...sure, dating isn't fucking so there would be nothing wrong with it IMO...then again I wouldn't consider it wrong to date a 15 year old right now.  In fact I happen to know a very cute 12 (well, I'd guess around there...in middle school at least).

Based on most scientific estimates, Joseph was in his late 20s or early 30s and Mary was around 14 years old when she had Jesus.  Regardless of the fact that they didn't have sex for that, they were getting married with over a dozen years seperating them.  If that isn't a biblical reason that the age thing isn't immoral, I don't know what is.

[jn.loudnotes]

Lol yes, thanks everyone for your comments.

I don't know why I keep torturing myself about this.

If you haven't figured out already, I am 15 and my girlfriend (also 15) decided she'd rather be with someone who is 18 right now.  It's awfully hard to compete with that.  The thing is, she then had the audacity to excuse it with "cultural differences"  (she is portuguese)  She could have at least had the decency to admit liking him because he's older - not pretending it were exactly the same sort of thing.

I don't know why I'm bothering here.  I just need to vent and my friends are probably getting a little tired of it.

Ok that's enough details of my personal life.  

And I think most of you in reading this thought I was the 18-year old.  Alas, that's not the case, but maybe someday....

[Bondo]

Well, in your situation the best thing to do would be to call her a whore and start going out with a 12 year old .

[Deadeye]

when i was 16, i was dating (ok, f__king) a 20 year old girl. ?it's a wonderful thing. ?when they are 20, they aren't hung up on the sex=love thing.

so, do the right thing to this ex, go find yourself an 18 year old knockout and scream out this girls name while putting it home.

and bondo, in our state, unless you are in a postion of authority over the girl, the leagal age is 13, doesn't matter how old the guy is.  if you are a teach, priest or something like that, then it goes up to 16.

[Bondo]

Yes, all well and stuff, but I live in the ?berrepublican Colorado with its strict statutory rape laws.  *Moves to MI and starts dating 13 year old*