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Disorder in the American Courts
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Topic: Disorder in the American Courts (Read 901 times)
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Croosch
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Absolute Lunacy
Disorder in the American Courts
«
on:
June 09, 2006, 10:30:46 pm »
These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters who had the torment of biting their lip to stay calm while these exchanges were taking place.
Q: Are you sexually active?
A: No, I just lie there.
_____________________________________________________________
Q: What is your date of birth?
A: July 15.
Q: What year?
A: Every year.
______________________________________________________________
Q: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
A: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
______________________________________________________________
Q: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
A: Yes.
Q: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
A: I forget.
Q: You forget? Can you give us an example of something that you've
forgotten?
______________________________________________________________
Q: How old is your son, the one living with you?
A: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
Q: How long has he lived with you?
A: Forty-five years.
_________________________________________________________
Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke up that
morning?
A: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
Q: And why did that upset you?
A: My name is Susan.
______________________________________________________________
Q: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo or the
occult?
A: We both do.
Q: Voodoo?
A: We do.
Q: You do?
A: Yes, voodoo.
______________________________________________________________
Q: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't
know about it until the next morning?
A: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
______________________________________________________________
Q: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?
______________________________________________________________
Q: Were you present when your picture was taken?
______________________________________________________________
Q: So the date of conception of the baby was August 8th?
A: Yes.
Q: And what were you doing at that time?
______________________________________________________________
Q: She had three children, right?
A: Yes.
Q: How many were boys?
A: None.
Q: Were there any girls?
______________________________________________________________
Q: How was your first marriage terminated?
A: By death.
Q: And by whose death was it terminated?
______________________________________________________________
Q: Can you describe the individual?
A: He was about medium height and had a beard.
Q: Was this a male, or a female?
______________________________________________________________
Q: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition which I
sent to your attorney?
A: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
______________________________________________________________
Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?
A: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.
______________________________________________________________
Q: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK?
A: Yes.
Q: What school did you go to?
A: Oral.
______________________________________________________________
Q: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
A: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
Q: And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time?
A: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy.
______________________________________________________________
Q: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
______________________________________________________________
Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for blood pressure?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for breathing?
A: No.
Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the
autopsy?
A: No.
Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
Q: But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
A: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive, practicing law
somewhere in this courthouse.
Logged
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BFG
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Mr.Chuckles the Nipple Monkey
Re: Disorder in the American Courts
«
Reply #1 on:
June 10, 2006, 01:55:01 am »
Oh that is quality stuff
especailly my favorite had to be probably:
Quote
Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for blood pressure?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for breathing?
A: No.
Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the
autopsy?
A: No.
Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
Q: But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
A: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive, practicing law
somewhere in this courthouse
classic
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DarK.
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Re: Disorder in the American Courts
«
Reply #2 on:
June 10, 2006, 07:11:06 am »
I actually laughed outloud at the "oral" one.
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Arguing on the internet is like running in the special olympics... Even if you win, you are still retarded.
BTs_GhostSniper
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SUA SPONTE
Re: Disorder in the American Courts
«
Reply #3 on:
June 10, 2006, 07:32:23 am »
Those are great...I love this one:
Q: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't
know about it until the next morning?
A: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
haha...that doctor was fucking brilliant!
[/size]
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"On the fields of friendly strife are sown the seeds that on other days and other fields will bear the fruits of victory."
-General of the Army Douglas MacArthur
BFG
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Mr.Chuckles the Nipple Monkey
Re: Disorder in the American Courts
«
Reply #4 on:
June 10, 2006, 12:58:23 pm »
Damn it i was gonna ask if you'd post some more but i think i'll just buy the freakin book heheh
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DAMN Bondo
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Re: Disorder in the American Courts
«
Reply #5 on:
June 10, 2006, 03:50:25 pm »
Quote from: BTs_GhostSniper on June 10, 2006, 07:32:23 am
Those are great...I love this one:
Q: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't
know about it until the next morning?
A: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
haha...that doctor was fucking brilliant!
[/size]
Yeah, my favorite too.
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*DAMN Hazard
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Where is the knowledge we lost with information?
Re: Disorder in the American Courts
«
Reply #6 on:
June 11, 2006, 01:14:03 am »
Quote
Q: What is your date of birth?
A: July 15.
Q: What year?
A: Every year.
Haha what a smartass
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"The intuitive mind is a sacred gift and the rational mind is a faithful servant. We have created a society that honors the servant and has forgotten the gift."
~ Einstein
:MoD:Shade
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Mojo-Jojo!
Re: Disorder in the American Courts
«
Reply #7 on:
June 11, 2006, 04:05:49 pm »
The last is my favorite
, I thought I had heard this before but I can't remember where from.
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NiKLoT
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Re: Disorder in the American Courts
«
Reply #8 on:
June 11, 2006, 06:29:51 pm »
Q: How was your first marriage terminated?
A: By death.
Q: And by whose death was it terminated?
i love this one.. but actually my bro and i laught and laught nonstopp
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