The Joke Box 1.0

[KoS.Rebel]

Well, I thought i would add possibly a new section to these forums that will hopefully catch on and bring some cheer to the readers of these forums. This thread is dedicated to posting funny jokes uve heard, killed, or just enjoyed. Spread the joy people. Ill start off.

For his birthday, little Patrick asked for a 10-speed bicycle. His
father said,  "Son, we'd give you one, but the mortgage on this house is
$80,000 & your mother just lost her job. There's no way we can afford it."

The next day the father saw little Patrick heading out the front
door with a suitcase So he asked, "Son, where are you going?"
Little Patrick told him, "I was walking past your room last night
and I heard you telling mom you were pulling out. Then I heard her tell
you to wait because she was coming too. And I'll be damned if I'm
staying here by myself with an $80,000 mortgage & no bike.

[bronto]

edit: i like this one better



A man dies and goes to Hell. The devil greets him, "You may choose which room you wish to enter. Whichever you choose, the person in that room will switch with you. They'll go to heaven and you'll take over until somebody switches with you. So go on, pick a room."

The devil leads him to the first room where someone is tied to a wall and is being whipped. The second room has someone being burned by a torch. The third has a man getting blown by a naked woman.

"I choose this room!" the man says.

"Very well," the devil says. He walks up to the woman and taps her on the shoulder.

"You can go now. I've found you're replacement."

[lexdemon]

letter from the man to god:
"Dear god, i ask you for aknowledgement to undestand my woman... patience to be with her on those hard DAYS... sentiments to be one with her, 'cause if i ask you strengt i might punch her to death"   

[Maniac]

A man goes to see a male doctor because he is having pre mature ejaculations. The doctor tests him and finds nothing wrong with him except that it is a mental thing. So he tells the man that when he feels it coming too soon that he should do things to take his mind of it. So the man goes home and its about 7 o'clock. He goes up stairs to find his wife naked and hot on the bed with porn on.

He says to himself; "damn she must really want me", so they start doing 69. About 5 minuets later he feels it coming so he reaches over and pulls out a 38. magnum and shoots it in the air. The next day the man goes back to the doctor and the doctor asked him how is treatment worked. Well, then man says; "we were doing 69 and i felt it coming so i got a pistol, and shot it in the air.

Then what happened asked the doctor? Well, she bit my dick off, shit in my mouth, and my neighbor came out of the closet yelling: "DON'T SHOOT"!

[lexdemon]

lmfao, hahahahahaha, iwilll remember this one, lol, i can't stop laughing

[Abe 2.0]

A girl breaks up with her boyfriend. Boyfriend asks why. Girl says: "because you are a pedophile". Guy answers: "Pedophile?.....now that's a pretty big word for a five year old".

[lexdemon]

One day mickey calls minie and says: "Minnie i don't like you anymore, i don't want to see you again", Minie pissed off says: "What?, are you fucking crazy?" and Mickey says: "No, im fucking Daisy"

[Mr.Mellow]

One day, a little girl walks in on her mom changing. She points to her mom's breasts and asks, "Mommy, what are those?"
Her mother replies, "These are breasts, dear."
"Oh," says the little girl. "When will I get some?"
"When you're older," says her mother.

The next day, the little girl walks in on her father coming out of the shower. "Daddy, what's that?" she asks, pointing to his penis.
"That's a penis, honey." he replies.
"Oh," says the little girl. "When will I get one?"
"As soon as your mother leaves for work." replies the father.

ZING!

[Maniac]

Haha Mellow almost as good as mine. 

[lexdemon]

no, i think it won to your joke, lol

[bronto]

that's messed up lol